Out of Touch with Reality

Recently I was looking a a list of reality television shows. As I clicked on the links and read the show’s descriptions, something occurred to me. If this is what reality looks like, I  really don’t fit in.

Here’s a wee sampling of some of the current shows. You can see how far removed I am from their reality:

16 and Pregnant (No boys allowed in the ‘hood!)
The Amazing Race (I love to travel, but I have a complete meltdown when I’m lost)
Amish in the City (I’m still building my buggy)
Ax Men (Once you’ve felled one tree, it gets old)
The Bachelor (Taken)
Deadliest Catch (I’m the person eating the deadliest catch in the restaurant afterward)
Fraternity Life (No thanks, I like clean dishes and socks)
Love Island (Have to be single)
Miami Ink (No tattoos. I specialize in scars.)
The Real Housewives of New Jersey (I live in Wisteria Ways, but…no accent and no implants)
Sister Wives (Too much competition)
Survivor (There are better ways to win a million dollars. Who wants to come home with Typhoid Fever)
Who Wants to Marry My Dad (Mom’s still with him after 50 years. Sorry!)
I did find a few possibilities, though. You may see me on television yet:
American Restoration (Now we’re talking. I think I’ll take some of my antiques to Rick’s Restorations)
Dance Moms (There’s potential here, but I’d have to eat more Wheaties for breakfast)
Kitchen Nightmares (YES! I qualify)
Making the Band (Maybe, if I pull my flute out of its case)

Hey, where’d everyone go? I was only cleaning off my flute. Can’t you recognize Yankee Doodle Dandy. What? Did I hear that right? Donald Trump just mouthed the words…”You’re Fired?” Thought so.